Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
