There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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