It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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