The brown eye won't let me do that either.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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