y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
