he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
