I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I woke up under a house in Key West
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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