Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
