was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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