Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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