He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
