remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
