Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
