Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
