what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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