Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
