TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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