When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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