So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
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it glows. i had to have it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
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Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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