help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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