Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
