I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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