Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
