we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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