Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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