Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
