thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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