she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
