I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
