Fuck appropriateness.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
