Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
