I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
