have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
There's a naked man in my car right now.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
