i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
