the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
