I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
