Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
pray to the hookup gods
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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