That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just sucked dick on a ferry
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
