I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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