This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
