she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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