you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
