btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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