Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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