I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
