Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
