His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
