no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
