dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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