glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
