thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
