see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
