I'm eating all of the evidence.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
