So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
