yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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