belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
