Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
