You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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