I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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