I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
