I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
