So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
