I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
