So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize