I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
